Things you learn at airports

Waiting in the long easyJet (and very multinational) check-in line is always a very educational experience. One learns all sorts of trends to tell about at home.

The emergence of the nouveau-riche is illustrated via the Russian mini-oligarchic couple with fancy luggages, diamond studded pants (matching) and terrible haircuts (mullet for him, platinum bleached blond stuck to sweaty skull in noodle shape for her). They are returning back home with some new paintings and a bottle of Limonchello.

The return to power of the working class manifests itself when an angry Italian gentleman (toasted by years of exposure to the sun, making his skin tone reach a lovely color of a brown leather bag) tries to shove the oversized luggages of his 5 family members (one-by-one) into the measurement metal box. He is trying to prove to the counter agents that they are small enough to be taken onto the plane. When physics proves that they aren’t, he refuses to comply, going on with the act for 10 more minutes and making the infinitely long line longer.

Then, there is the wealth of inspiration for plastic surgery – the best examples from all over the world – breasts that change one’s natural balance center and must be counterbalanced by 15cm heels (this works somehow, not sure why), lips that beg for kisses (or may be confused for Bozo the clown’s makeup style) or facial lifts that are so efficient that one does not have to put any effort into smiling anymore – the impression is already fixated on a permanent grin.

Finally, one of my favorites – the advantages of the trophy wife are shining through. One can be old, ugly and fat, but still procure a wonderful pretty creature: she will illuminate the room, she will help produce adorable heirs, who will always be splendidly dressed (and sometimes even well behaved), she will make him look hipper (or at least attempt to) and will keep herself occupied with shopping and beauty treatments (see above), leaving little room for useless things such as conversation. I am yet to find good examples of trophy husbands. This makes me speculate that there is a great market opportunity, waiting to be explored.

I guess I could go on forever (an hour waiting and 200+ people around me make a very good laboratory) but I shall not wary the reader. Plenty more studies are to be executed in the future.

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